practically not a good day to start with.
i'm still not in a talking mood with Teng, not that she has done anything that made me angry but I don't know why I can't talk to her sometimes.
i get easily sensitive over smallest issue
i get paranoid over silliest things.

only some closest friends know how weak I am deep down
and I'm not going to show it to my gf or her friends or any other people who wasnt in my life for the past decades.
this confuses me more because the person who I should confront (to make things clear) isn't the one I would wanna show how "smallgas" or "sensitive" or "inconsiderate" or "selfish" or "whyyourgfsolikethatwan".... get what I mean? I'm fucking ego!

Is not that I wanna swallow everything and keep it inside. I know its only too soon to judge everything but I don't want to prolong this and its really hard for me to just say it. Consequences? How? I can't bear it. How?
all these little little things can screw up the entire day and I still manage to put a smile on my face and pretend everything is alright.

I love her to bits and I don't wanna risk saying the wrong thing and screw this relationship, but it's hurting inside. I can't be calling friends and ranting on the same thing.

I'm just confuse and I don't know how to be a gf... a good one i mean.

so much to say,
so much that I couldn't say,

goodbye 2009 in 4 days.

yes, I'm stressed.

I've problems talking to you.
you strike again... I don't know what I should say but keeping quiet.
how much I want you to know, is how much I need to hide.
cos there's only 1 question: Can you take it when I tell you?

How much I would like to stay, but you're keeping me away.
I hate to say this but... I hate it there.
I hate avoiding you or not talk to you...
its not as easy as you thought.

I know you love me, but you're destroying me too.
so so so much that I wanna leave right away.
what you've promised?
is this what I'm suppose to get?

Free me and make yourself happy.
will you?